I wanted to use my blog as my journal during Addison's mission as well as our own family happenings. I will be posting Addison's letters to his blog as a record/journal for him. Hopefully, when the two years are over, I will have both journals, mine and his referring to his mission, ready for him.
I have to admit that sending a missionary off isn't easy, at least not for me. I don't know if it is that I am extra emotional and needy already or that it just is a difficult thing for a mother to do regardless. I have been very emotional for weeks preparing for the big day when we take him to the MTC. It has been to the point of depression at times. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that he is serving a mission. I don't want for anything different, but I am just going to miss him. He has been so fun to be with (most of the time). We have had our times where the teenager in him made me want to rush him out the door, but in all honesty, I wish I could lock him up forever so that I can have more time with him. It has been fun to watch him grow and participate in many things, including XC and scouting/church. With him leaving, I am now down to only two children in the home and it feels like a piece of me has gone. It saddens me to think of how fast that happened and that it will be even faster when the next two leave. I hope that they will come home often and find that being home is a great place to be.
July 30th, 2014 was the big day, the day to head to the MTC. It was much like any morning, getting ready for a family outing. We woke up not too early since we had everything ready to go the day before. We left around 9:30. I usually let Addison sit in the front when we travel since he is a little taller than me, but this time Ada asked if he would please sit in the back with her so that she would have more time with him. We made it to Provo around 11:00. We let Addison choose where to eat one last meal together as a family before he entered. He chose Noodles n' Company. As we were in line ordering, another missionary and family walked in doing the same. And then another. It must have been the thing to do and they must have been entering close to the same time. We sat, ate and visited for only about 30 minutes and then Addison and Ammon wanted to walk across the street to look at the Audi's and Porsche's at the car lot. We then decided we better head up to the Provo temple to take pictures and say our good-byes. It seemed very normal and I was set at ease as I saw the hundreds of others doing the same. However, when the clock got closer and closer to 12:45 when we were suppose to get him to the curb, my heart started beating faster and faster. This couldn't be happening!! I wasn't ready to just say good-bye. We hugged, we cried, we hugged some more. When Addison hugged me, I felt his love for me. He had his arms fully around me and held me tight. It was a hug that he had never really given me before. I could tell that he too was feeling nervous and maybe wasn't ready for it to be time. I wish I could have hugged him longer; it went too fast. Ada hugged him and was crying. It was hard. We hopped back in the car; asked Addison if he was nervous now. He replied, "ya, maybe a little." It was real now. He tried to distract Ada from being sad by playing around with her a little in the back seat. It was only a minute and we were there. We were directed to an area long the curb and I quickly hopped out. I wasn't going to miss another opportunity to hug him again. Fortunately, we were there at a time that they weren't overly eager to rush us. They did move the good-bye along, but there was time for one more hug and a few more tears. A fellow missionary that has been there for a week or so escorted him and helped take his suitcases. Addison slowly followed him. I just watched and cried, hoping that he would turn around and wave one last time. He just kept walking, following the other missionaries. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to know that he was okay. I saw him raise his hand up to his face, perhaps wiping a tear. That was it. I just stood there. A sister came up to me and reassured me that he was going to be just fine and that the two years are going to fly by so fast. I just nodded and kept crying. He was no longer in sight, but I didn't want to leave. I had to though. I got back into the car and just cried.
We started back to home. Ammon needed to stop at Cabela's to use a gift card that he got from Christmas time. It was okay, it probably was a good distraction. I walked into the store surely looking awful after crying so much. Oh well, I didn't care. We walked around. I was so quiet and felt so sad. Why? He was in the best place possible, doing the best thing possible. I knew that I should be so happy. I guess I was both. I was happy and sad. You wouldn't think that those two emotions can go together at the same time so strongly, but they were. Ammon couldn't find anything and kept on insisting that I get some new shoes for me. I wasn't in the mood to try to find me some shoes. I just wanted to sit. After more looking, still nothing. So, it came back to getting me some shoes. I know he was trying to do something for me, to perhaps cheer me up. Ammon kept holding my hand and telling me that he loved me. I know he could tell this was hard on me, but he couldn't do anything about it. I wanted to go home, so I decided to let the card be spent on shoes for me. Addison would be so proud. He tried so hard to get me some shoes for my birthday, and I wouldn't let him.
I have to admit that sending a missionary off isn't easy, at least not for me. I don't know if it is that I am extra emotional and needy already or that it just is a difficult thing for a mother to do regardless. I have been very emotional for weeks preparing for the big day when we take him to the MTC. It has been to the point of depression at times. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that he is serving a mission. I don't want for anything different, but I am just going to miss him. He has been so fun to be with (most of the time). We have had our times where the teenager in him made me want to rush him out the door, but in all honesty, I wish I could lock him up forever so that I can have more time with him. It has been fun to watch him grow and participate in many things, including XC and scouting/church. With him leaving, I am now down to only two children in the home and it feels like a piece of me has gone. It saddens me to think of how fast that happened and that it will be even faster when the next two leave. I hope that they will come home often and find that being home is a great place to be.
July 30th, 2014 was the big day, the day to head to the MTC. It was much like any morning, getting ready for a family outing. We woke up not too early since we had everything ready to go the day before. We left around 9:30. I usually let Addison sit in the front when we travel since he is a little taller than me, but this time Ada asked if he would please sit in the back with her so that she would have more time with him. We made it to Provo around 11:00. We let Addison choose where to eat one last meal together as a family before he entered. He chose Noodles n' Company. As we were in line ordering, another missionary and family walked in doing the same. And then another. It must have been the thing to do and they must have been entering close to the same time. We sat, ate and visited for only about 30 minutes and then Addison and Ammon wanted to walk across the street to look at the Audi's and Porsche's at the car lot. We then decided we better head up to the Provo temple to take pictures and say our good-byes. It seemed very normal and I was set at ease as I saw the hundreds of others doing the same. However, when the clock got closer and closer to 12:45 when we were suppose to get him to the curb, my heart started beating faster and faster. This couldn't be happening!! I wasn't ready to just say good-bye. We hugged, we cried, we hugged some more. When Addison hugged me, I felt his love for me. He had his arms fully around me and held me tight. It was a hug that he had never really given me before. I could tell that he too was feeling nervous and maybe wasn't ready for it to be time. I wish I could have hugged him longer; it went too fast. Ada hugged him and was crying. It was hard. We hopped back in the car; asked Addison if he was nervous now. He replied, "ya, maybe a little." It was real now. He tried to distract Ada from being sad by playing around with her a little in the back seat. It was only a minute and we were there. We were directed to an area long the curb and I quickly hopped out. I wasn't going to miss another opportunity to hug him again. Fortunately, we were there at a time that they weren't overly eager to rush us. They did move the good-bye along, but there was time for one more hug and a few more tears. A fellow missionary that has been there for a week or so escorted him and helped take his suitcases. Addison slowly followed him. I just watched and cried, hoping that he would turn around and wave one last time. He just kept walking, following the other missionaries. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to know that he was okay. I saw him raise his hand up to his face, perhaps wiping a tear. That was it. I just stood there. A sister came up to me and reassured me that he was going to be just fine and that the two years are going to fly by so fast. I just nodded and kept crying. He was no longer in sight, but I didn't want to leave. I had to though. I got back into the car and just cried.
We started back to home. Ammon needed to stop at Cabela's to use a gift card that he got from Christmas time. It was okay, it probably was a good distraction. I walked into the store surely looking awful after crying so much. Oh well, I didn't care. We walked around. I was so quiet and felt so sad. Why? He was in the best place possible, doing the best thing possible. I knew that I should be so happy. I guess I was both. I was happy and sad. You wouldn't think that those two emotions can go together at the same time so strongly, but they were. Ammon couldn't find anything and kept on insisting that I get some new shoes for me. I wasn't in the mood to try to find me some shoes. I just wanted to sit. After more looking, still nothing. So, it came back to getting me some shoes. I know he was trying to do something for me, to perhaps cheer me up. Ammon kept holding my hand and telling me that he loved me. I know he could tell this was hard on me, but he couldn't do anything about it. I wanted to go home, so I decided to let the card be spent on shoes for me. Addison would be so proud. He tried so hard to get me some shoes for my birthday, and I wouldn't let him.
So- here's the shoes. Pretty Cute! I will always think of the MTC now when I wear these shoes.
We finally got back in the car and headed back home. I cried some more and eventually cried myself to sleep. Ada was also crying. The floor in the back was covered with used tissues. I know Addison would just tell us to "tell ourselves that we aren't sad, and we won't be." He would tell me that often when I felt certain things. He would say the it is a lot about our attitude. If we want to be sad, we will. If we tell our self otherwise, we can change it. There is a lot of truth to that and I need to work on that.
We made it home and I had composed myself for the most part. I walked into the house and upstairs. Addison didn't make his bed ( he never did). I went to make it and just started bawling. I went downstairs and found one of his white shirts hanging on the ironing board, more tears. I would say that it continued like this off and on for a couple of days. Our bishop and his wife came over to cheer me up and give me some encouraging advice. I know that I was probably crying for nothing. HE IS FINE!!! But, you have to realize that the weeks prior have led up to this. I had my 40th birthday just a few days before and it honestly was not a good day. Our car wasn't working and I had no plans anyway. Addison had plans, Ammon was working, Avery was at scout camp and it was just me and Ada and the cats stranded at home. I know I am very blessed, but I guess I was hoping for some kind of special day since it was my 40th. My point is, I was already throwing a pity party and I was sad knowing that one of my best friends (Addison) was now going to be gone too. I was an emotional mess. Jill Daugs called me that night, after the MTC, which was a god-send. She is so sweet and was so encouraging. She was just there for me, which I appreciate so much. I don't have anyone to really talk to when I am sad or need anything, so I was so thankful. She encouraged me to write to Addison using dear elder.com just so that I could feel Addison and let him know that I loved him. dear elder.com is great because it puts hard copies of our letters in their box while in the MTC. They don't have to wait until p-day. So, I did that and it helped me a lot., much like this journal entry is doing. I was so glad that I did because he was able to write to me the next morning (Thursday) just briefly. I was so grateful for that short email from him. My tears turned to a smile when I read how well he adjusted to it and that he and Todd Houghton were companions. He was having such a great time and already felt that those in his district were great friends.
Below is his letter:
Hi family,
The MTC is great! I love it! It
was really fast and confusing for the first few hours, rushing me around
places, picking up stuff but that was to be expected. The MTC is a pretty
big place and its still a little confusing to me. Only have the
missionaries are on this campus and the others are on another one somewhere.
There are no Spanish speaking missionaries on our campus they are all on
the other campus. I've seen my friends Porter Roe and Braden Keller
already so that’s pretty cool. You'll never guess who my companion is?!
It's Elder Houghton! What are the chances? The only person that I would know
coming in here is my companion! The classes and meetings have been really
cool and the spirit is so strong here! There are eight of us going to the
Rochester mission and we are all together at all of the classes, meetings,
lunch, etc... so we are becoming really close! We've already had the
opportunity to teach someone who is not a member named Chico! He is a big
Italian guy and it was really cool to see how happy he got when he learned more
about the gospel and what it brings. He was worried about his baby having
Adam’s original sin since he died before he was baptized. He was taught that
his son is clean and is living with his Heavenly Father and that brought so
much happiness to his life. He said his heart felt like "melted
butter" and me likes melted butter.
Sorry I don’t have much time to write
but I'll talk to you next week!
Love Elder Daugs
I didn't mind that it was short, I just felt peace. So grateful.
Since, I have had mostly good days. It has only been 10 days and I bet I've cried maybe four or five times. It will probably be like that for the whole two years, but I think that it is okay. If I didn't miss him or worry about him, then I wouldn't be a very good mom.
I didn't mind that it was short, I just felt peace. So grateful.
Since, I have had mostly good days. It has only been 10 days and I bet I've cried maybe four or five times. It will probably be like that for the whole two years, but I think that it is okay. If I didn't miss him or worry about him, then I wouldn't be a very good mom.
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